I get really angry sometimes. We all do. My anger usually manifests itself verbally. I’ll say something really mean, shout, scream, start crying or become ruthless when arguing. It’s something I’m trying to control. I don’t think that my anger is irrational. I usually have a good reason to get upset and what I say is usually logical and something I really believe. But I think that it’s sometimes better to hold back even when you’re right, because arguing with people you’re close to – especially the way I do it – can really hurt a relationship, sometimes damaging it beyond repair. I’ve lost several relationships to my anger, because in a moment of extreme frustration and irritation, I’ve deliberately, calculatedly said something that I knew would deeply wound the other person. It’s not something I’m proud of and I’ve found it really difficult to control. I’ve found that I’m usually less prone to these fits of fury when I’ve been sleeping well on a regular basis, am exercising almost every day and know that people value me in their lives.
Today was a better day. I was still recovering from last night this afternoon (this is why I only drink every few months. My body takes a long time to metabolize alcohol and I can’t get anything done for the next 24 hours). I didn’t work, just drank a lot of tea and relaxed. I did exercise, which did me good, and talked to my dad, which was great. He made me feel better about not getting the exec board position and really, it was just good to talk to him. I value every conversation with my parents now. I can’t believe there was a time when I saw their phone calls as an inconvenience and when I was so ungrateful to them, impatient, and unforgiving. It’s not an unusual story, I know. It’s just sad that most of us only truly appreciate people when there’s little time left, or worse, when it’s too late. I get upset when I think about my mum’s illness so I usually avoid going there at all. It was such a shock to me, and I still don’t want it to be true.
Exercise: 30 min
This circuit is insanely hard. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the particular muscle groups being trained or the fact that I’m using 5lb weights.
Social: 45 min
Talking to my dad.
Total: 75 min